Old blogger posts – part 3
Driving lesson rant
I’m a new driver, so I know I’m going to be making a lot of mistakes, some of them probably extremely stupid. I’ve accepted that it’s a part of the learning process. It’s the instructor’s job to intervene when I’m in the middle of making a mistake, and to remedy it. It’s the instructor’s job to understand that I am a first time driver, and therefore he needs to be patient with me while he teaches. If we both do our jobs properly – my being a diligent, cooperative student, him being an understanding and kind teacher – there is no reason for things to not run smoothly and splendidly. What I need as a first time driver is an instructor that is very capable of taking care of the both of us, one that is calm and collected even during the most stressful incidents. The instructor I currently have is nothing like that. When I make a mistake, he either makes obnoxious sounds on the side, or he panics and explodes by hitting me or yelling. While the hitting doesn’t hurt at all, I don’t think he has a right to do that. Yes, I made a mistake, but instructors should understand that that’s a part of learning and be prepared for it. If I make a mistake, he should intervene, tell me how I could improve, and move on. I don’t see how his hitting me, no matter how light it is, can be justified. And like I said, what I need is an instructor that is patient and calm – that is the only way I can remain calm, and the only way I can get better.
As of right now, I’m just too stressed out of my mind and I don’t see how this can possibly end well. Oh how I hate this man.
I remember wanting a close male friend back in grade 9. Female friends are very well and lovely but I still wanted that one close guy friend who can give me the careless banter and a masculine perspective. My pursuit for such a friendship was relentless for quite some time. Then one day I realized that it wasn’t going to happen, that something about me and guy friends just don’t click. No matter what I thought or said, feelings always ended up being thrown in the mix. And once feelings come up, it’s pretty much the end. It used to make me feel so frustrated and bitter. After a few more times, it didn’t bother me anymore. In fact, it became expected. Sometimes I even sabatoged the friendship early so I could move onto the next one that much faster. And now I feel like even if I was given a real shot at having that close male friend, I would throw it away because I’m too accustomed to block and delete.
Maybe a few years ago I would’ve asked for his msn, or added him on facebook (if we had had facebook back then) Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me till the end of semester to have an actual conversation with him. And maybe a few years ago, I would’ve stayed intrigued and curious, and one talk with the guy would’ve sent me into a tailspin because I would’ve been hopeful that this was the guy that was going to be my close guy friend. But now? I know I won’t see any of them once we’ve taken our final exams, and I don’t care. We had a conversation, but it’s left me no lasting impression. I’m not intrigued, I’m not curious. I’m already looking to the next one.
You’re not what I want
It’s true: girls are impossible to please, and they always contradict themselves.
I hate it when a guy likes me when he doesn’t even know me. But I also hate it when a guy likes me while trying to get to know me because I feel like he isn’t being my friend for the right reasons.
I hate it when a guy forgets about me as soon as he realizes that I’ll never be able to reciprocate his feelings because to get over me that easily would mean he never cared for me that deeply to begin with. But I also hate it when a guy refuses to let go.
I hate it when a guy does not put in the same amount of effort into our friendship as I do because it isn’t fair that I have to be the one to invest all my time and energy. But I also hate it when a guy pays too much attention to me because it’s suffocating and uncomfortable.
So yes, it seems as though I am impossible to please, and I constantly contradict myself. But I think I know why that is: you’re just not what I want. No matter what you do, I’m always going to find you at fault for something, and I’m always going to find reasons to dislike you. Believe me, I’m not playing mind games, and I’m not playing hard to get. The truth of the matter is I’m never going to care for you the way you want me to, and I’m sorry, but I’m not going to change my mind. You’re not Ted, and I’m not Robin. Persistence and patience are not going to help you win this. Take the hint, back off, and find another girl that won’t be a waste of your time. I’m not saying this so that you’ll try harder. I’m saying this because I really want you to go. Stop being stubborn, accept the fact that you’re not going to be an exception, and quit this nonsense. I’m not going to hold it against you. I want you to act like a typical guy and leave. Even if you are different, I’m not. And in the end, all of this is about me.
